Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
