u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a beard to bite.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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