i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
