Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
