We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
