i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
