Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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