The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
