He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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