Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
White coat. Heels.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
