PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
