just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
