help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize