I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
