Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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