Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize