I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
