were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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