I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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