Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
