Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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