You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize