Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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