you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
