just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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