saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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