please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to calm my uterus...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
