you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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