If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Come share oat with me in your robe
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
