it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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