She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
