If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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