So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
