eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
