pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
