worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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