meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's shark week go big or go home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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