i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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