no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
