I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
