Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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