i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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