I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize