the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
