The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize