Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
