i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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