her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They took my balls.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize