Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
