Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
