If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
