I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
