It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
