last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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