Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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