is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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