Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
