youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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