what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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