When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
