Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
