I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize