I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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