me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
