Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
