Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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