If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sober January is a disaster.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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