I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
