he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
