you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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