I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
