just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
