i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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