Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
