ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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