hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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