I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
