you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
