I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
