someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
