Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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