Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
