mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
