your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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