A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
