I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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