I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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